Phase one: In search of dreams

I am at the mercy of Mother Nature and I feel fine. Well, I'm getting use to it I guess. We live in a rapidly cycling planet that is heating up. Experiencing the wrath of super storm Sandy followed by a Nor-Easter has been a reality shattering whirlwind. The convenience of power, the need of gasoline, these storms have exposed the thin margin between an effective society and chaos. Abbey and I are observing the snow mounds out our window over some coffee. I am reflecting on the last months of summer and the coming, then going of Autumn.

Seeding by the bee boxes

Evan and I are still moving forward with our Plan Bee. Phase one: We are immersing our selves in the world of plant life and agriculture. I have to say, even though it has only been a short time since the start of this journey, I feel exponentially happier each day. Instead of dreading the winter and the cold I am day dreaming of our winter rye, wheat and barely tucked under the skin of the earth. I hope they survive this weather and find a spark in them to grow come Spring. The mystery and power of bringing new life into this world feeds my spirit.

October 14th, 2012

Evan and I drove up to an alpaca farm in Pawling, NY and planted 1/4 acre of winter barley, wheat and rye. It took us two months of weekend trips to clear the land to make it ready for this day.

The weather was on our side that day. Temperatures were in the low 60's, a little bit of sunshine to keep our hands warm but cumulonimbus clouds kept us from sweating as we labored. The air carried the smell of dry leaves and animal coats. The alpaca watched us curiously as we spread the seeds over the tilled earth.

Sample section of seed distribution

The majority of the 1/4 acres is winter barely, the base grain used in beer. Thirty percent of the 1/4 acre was split between the winter rye and wheat which will be used as specialty grains to flavor the beer. The white bee boxes hummed.

Hay covering

After we spread the seeds, we took rakes and turned the soil. Well turned, we set about packing it all down. It was a spectacle for those alpaca as we all bunny hopped over the mixture of manure, fresh earth and kernels. Finally, we unfurled hay bails over the lot to protect it from the rain that was coming the next day. We thought the hay might also keep away the birds and squirrels temporarily but the land keeper wrote us about the heated fury that took place upon our departure.

2 week old winter barley

"A few hours after you guys left I walked over to the hill and there were 4 squirrels and about 10 birds foraging the soil for seed. I chased them away but it's definitely going to be an issue. One of the squirrels actually stood his ground, puffed up his tail and started chirping at me. I might try putting out containers of seeds around the area. Hopefully if they have easy access to food they won't bother with the soil. Also, it'll only be problematic for the first few weeks until the seeds sprout." - Matt


October 21st, 2012

Back up at the alpaca farm, we wanted to see the sprouts that covered the hill. To our surprise, there were green and red blades cutting through the hay all over! Education: when rye first sprouts it's blades are a purple-red color but as they grow towards the sky they change to green. The wheat and barley both have green sprouts but their silhouettes are different from one another. My mind is imprinted with these images and I have gained the knowledge to identify the difference between winter barley, wheat and rye in it's early growth stages. How can I quantify this education?

2 week old winter rye

We are getting more people involved with Plan Bee and working on potential next steps. Winter is a time for respite and contemplation. It has been seven short months since Evan and I set our compass in the direction of becoming a self-sustained, farm-to-beer brewery in the Hudson Valley. From where we stand now, I can see our path but there is an arch coming up ahead. What is around the bend? I am eager to find out but reluctant.

"My heart is a traitor," the boy said to the alchemist, when they paused to rest the horses. "It doesn't want me to go on."

"That makes sense," the alchemist answered. "Naturally it's afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you've won."

"Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?"

"Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world."

"You mean I should listen, even if it's treasonous?"

"Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you'll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them. You will never be able to escape from your heat. So it's better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you'll never have to fear an unanticipated blow."

The boy continued to listen to his heart as they crossed the desert. He came to understand its dodges and tricks, and to accept it as it was. He lost his fear, and forgot about his need to go back to the oasis, because, one afternoon, his heart told him that it was happy.

"Even thought I complain sometimes," it said, "it's because I'm the heart of a person, and people's hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren't, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly."

"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - The Alchemist

The Kharma Equation

Plan Bee product-Wedding present for Robbie and Abigail

"Maybe this is just one of those days,

Where the best we can do is play along...

Things just ain't going according to plan,

Maybe this is just one of those days,

But there's still time left for some more things to go wrong." - Robbie Gil 

Friday was just one of those days! I have to say, I am very blessed that I don't have many of 'those days'. It's probably due to my philosophy for life; I am a firm believer that you create the mess you find yourself stuck in - kharma baby! For those of you not familiar with the Buddhist theory, I like to think of kharma as a mathematical equation:

Action (good being a positive, bad being a negative) x quantity = happiness/suffering

Therefore, since each person is completely in control (freedom of choice) of their individual actions and reactions, thoughts and feelings, people that have good thoughts, actions and feelings will have a positive situation in life, happiness. And obviously, people who choose to have bad thoughts, actions and feelings have a negative situation in life, suffering. 

Since I understand that the only input into this equation is the 'in' that I 'put', I try always to put in good actions so that my life equation stays in the positive. Yesterday's negative life situation was my failure to react to the negativity that surrounded me. Not that I want to have a bitch-fest, but let's just take a glance at yesterdays shitty kharma equation:

Friday, July 13th (shit it was Friday the 13th!)

Normally I work from home on Friday's but this week is Freshmen orientation at Purchase College therefore all employees in Enrollment Services needed to work Friday and Saturday. There were a few people in my office that were radiating negativity for 8 hours because they were so upset about having to work. I tried to deflect this energy all day = (-8)

Traffic was horrendous! I received an email a week ago from the traffic gods (I honestly don't know who or how I got this email) about the George Washington Bridge going under construction starting Friday which warned all drivers that there would be an increase in congestion especially around commuter hours. For some reason, traffic makes everyone want to kill thy neighbor because there was serious road rage emanating from every car that surrounded me. I took a deep breathe and tried to sing along to my favorite tunes to get me through the hour in an attempt to dodge the negativity and a potential car accident = (-6) 

(By the way, the numerical values I am assigning each of these situations is subjective the only important thing to note is whether they are negative or positive numbers)

Finally, after 6 PM I made it to the Captain Lawrence brewery and had a cold liquid gold. It melted away the traffic jam but I couldn't shake the feeling of a long day at work. So a group of us decided to head to a new mexican restaurant down the street to have margaritas (that is the best medicine for a bad day) and some enchiladas (also good medicine but not as effective as tequila). We popped down the street and got a table right away, had a slow start to getting our order in but soon the margaritas hit the table and the conversations took flight. Fast forward, two hours later we are dry of drinks and still without food. The table across from us finally received their food and shortly after they began eating, several of them sent back their plates complaining of the taste, temperature and texture of their food. This was the cattle prod to my butt that got us moving. I was up like lightening, storming out of the restaurant with an empty stomach. Talk about being kicked when one is down, "The patient needs her medicine!" = (-20) 

Now, I should have practiced a little more patience and tried harder to deflect the neglect we were receiving at the restaurant but I had used up much of my patience on the day and all bets are off when I have an empty stomach. I become a scary person without food, not an excuse just an observation from experience. I went straight home while Evan went through the Wendy's drive thru with our friends. The dog needed to be taken out and I had only an hour left before my homework assignment (for my current Microeconomics course) was due. I sat down to the computer after a quick walk and a wave of 'oh shit!' ran over me. It was a difficult assignment that required hours of preparation. The program I use to do my homework grades it as I submit my answers which are a combination of equations, graph plots and fill in the blanks. I receive a 67% at the end of my hour . . . a feeling of defeat = (-25)

After I finished my homework, I went into the living room to share some time with our friends who were up for the night. I tried to focus on having a good night but felt myself apologizing for all that had gone wrong. Really, I was apologizing for my inability to let go and have a good time so I went to bed feeling like a bad hostess = (-30)

Let's roll out the numbers:

(-8) + (-6) + (-20) + (-25) + (-30) = -89 suffering

I don't really know what that number means, except I can feel it and Friday did feel like a negative 89. The next morning, I felt in a funk and it took almost an entire day to shake the feeling. But it was just one of those days and with the passing of time, it stings less and less. I am going to chalk it up to a series of strange events, just one of those days, the magic of Friday the 13th, a test of my patience, and a lesson learned. Because as my mother always has said, "if you don't learn from adversity, it is an opportunity wasted and the lesson will repeat itself until you learn."  

Introduction to Plan Bee

I don't seem to be very good at keeping up with my blog. I don't think I have that many readers anyway but it still makes me sad when my last entry was over two months ago. I use the excuse "I have been busy" but I would rather not make excuses and just dedicate myself to writing more.

There have been many events that have taken place in the last two months and I feel as though I am entering a new chapter in life. It is these transitions that I wish I documented better as I go through them but instead only seem to catch up with my thoughts after the main events have come and gone.

First, summer arrived and left behind the melancholy of winter. Sunshine brings everyone out into the streets and patios to catch up with friends on what the winter brought or left them. The smell of charcoal and the sound of lawn mowers induce an intoxication that sends me into bliss. Summer and the heat are by far my favorite phase in a year. Naturally, the wafting smells of BBQ have brought hungry guests to our home and have kept Evan and I very busy.

In addition, I started my first college course at Purchase College in June. One of the perks of working for the State of New York is I can take one course a semester for free. I started off with Microeconomics, a 7-week online intensive course which is new material for me. I have learned a lot so far but it has required at least 3 hours a day on top of my full-time job and making time for smoked ribs marinated with friendly conversation. Weeks have turned into months and I have been oblivious to the passing of time.

These are all exciting adventures that are improving the quality of life and feeding my mind, soul and stomach. But the Spring season was slow moving and filled with rejection and heart ache. Many of you know what I speak of but those who do not I am going to reserve the right to keep those stories within my family and friends for now and speak only of the triumph that has arisen from the ashes. For now, let's just say 'there were a series of unfortunate events that led to the discussion and planning of Plan Bee'.

What is Plan Bee?

I hope to share with you all of the journey as my husband and I embark on this exciting new adventure which we have deemed Plan Bee. It is a long-term goal with much planning and exciting explorations to come that will hopefully bring us from point A to point Bee (I am teasing now, I know).

Evan and I birthed this plan out of asking the question "what do we want?" which produced the answer "we want to be more". We want to follow a dream that is beauty incarnate and strip away the stress of working to make money for the sake of having money. We want to go back to our roots and move closer to creation and therefore our creator. We want to let our souls fill up our whole until the lines between "I" and "us" become nearly indistinguishable. We never want to work for one man again but work for an entire community.

Evan and I want to go into business together and open a community shared agricultural, self-sustaining brewery in the Hudson Valley. We want to incorporate Evan's Scottish roots of brewing meads and my families history of farming grain together to produce completely local, fresh, made-of-the-earth-we-stand-on beer that will bring our community in the Hudson Valley together.

Hard work? We are up for it!
Learning new skills? Our pleasure!
Discipline and Organization needed? My speciality!
Creativity and inspiration? Evan's strength!
Stressful and difficult? Not afraid!
Cooperation and collaboration? Will bring Evan and I closer together!

Part I: Education

We have a multi-part plan to get us from where we started (the day after tragedy struck) to Plan Bee. The first part of our plan is education. I am working towards receiving my Masters in Business Administration so that I can make sure that our business is staying above the "shutdown point" (a concept I recently learned in my Microeconomics course) and Evan is home brewing, working extra hours at Captain Lawrence Brewery and as of this last week, building small scale models of brewing equipment and doing test runs.

At the end of October, Evan and I will plant wheat and rye in our front yard in Dobbs Ferry to educate ourselves on the process. We will then be able to harvest, if all goes well, in July 2013 to understand the labor and partake in the experience of turning our homegrown grain from a plant into a malt for brewing beer!

As my fortune cookie read tonight, "Nine tenths of education is encouragement" which means this story isn't for everyone. As I tell our story I want to state that I am not looking for a fight, I’m not interested in making anyone feel faulted, and I’m not trying to convince you of anything you don’t already know.

Evan and I want to be more and we are going to strive to do so with the utmost patience, respect and humility with the best intentions for an uplifting future for our lives and the lives of those around us. So far, I haven't heard a discouraging word although I know Evan has heard a few but happily those moments have helped us build a stronger foundation instead of bringing about doubt or despair.

Thank you in advance for all of you that share encouraging words and love as we dare to be bold and try to be more!

Mrs. Watson

Wow . . . it has been a while since I have written! My last entry was about my resolutions for 2012 and sadly I have not kept them. The vegetarianism went on February 1st when I went to Cedar Street Grill in Dobbs Ferry. They had amazing looking chicken wings that I couldn't resist and to be honest, I didn't even feel guilty after the meal ended it was that good. As for writing in my journal, I honestly tried and through March I wrote consistantly but then something happened and I started writing only once a week. Busted!

The biggest news has yet to be shared! I got married on January 14th, 2012! I am now officially a Watson and have legally changed my name to Emily Ann Watson. It was very organic the way it came about. Over the Fall in 2011 I started planning a big wedding for Memorial Day weekend, May 27th 2012. It wasn't going so well and quickly I realized that I was planning a big wedding because I thought I should, not because I wanted to. Without passion the planning fizzled out and I cancelled my reception reservations without a clue of when the wedding might be rescheduled.

For the duration of the Fall (after the planning of my wedding was off the table) I searched for a job and amazingly I was offered a position at the State University of New York in Purchase, NY to work in the Registrar's Office (where I currently work). I remember it was a Thursday night, Evan and I went to dinner to celebrate the news of my job offer and acceptance. We talked about moving back to our old stomping grounds and when we would take off and where we would look for an apartment and when I would go and if Evan would come out later . . . and then the topic of marriage came up. When would we be getting married?

Evan preferred to get married in Indiana where his family resided and where we were living at the time. I thougth that wasn't a bad idea but I needed to leave Indiana in a week to start my new job. Therefore, it was decided that in a week on January 14th we would be married and that same day we would drive to New York City to look for an apartment! Evan and I went to the local mall and picked out our wedding day attire, reserved the church for that Saturday and invited our parents and siblings. All planning was done in a day! It wasn't the least bit stressful because it was too simple and too short of time to have the time for stress.

The morning of the 14th we had a lovely brunch at Jamie and Dwight Watson's house followed by the cutting of the cake. We then went to the church one block from the house and in 15 minutes it was done! We were now Mr. and Mrs. Watson and off to New York. It was a beautiful day and I couldn't have been happier.

Resolutions for 2012

Well another year has come and gone. Evan and I reflected on 2011 and were amazed that some much fit into 365 days! As part of starting a new year, there are the new year resolutions. This year I made two resolutions: (1) I will be a pescetarian (mainly a vegetarian but on occasion may eat shellfish) for one year to help improve my health and the health of our environment and (2) I will write in my journal every day even if it is just one sentence. The idea with the journal is that next year my resolution for 2013 will be to add a side-by-side statement to watch how each year compares. I think it will be an interesting experiment and will hopefully help me practice mindfulness.

As for SUNY, I know many have asked if I have heard back yet about my job interview which took place on December 12th. Still no word! I wrote an email to inquire about the position yesterday and again, still no answer. I did a little investigating and checked my personal account through SUNY and my application status has changed to "position offered". Now, I would interpret this as I have been offered this position otherwise I would assume it would say "position filled" if they weren't going to ask me or they offered the position to another applicant. Hmmm, still waiting for a definitive yes or no.

My Christmas holiday was nice. I was able to see my father on Friday the 23rd in Columbus, OH. He came with me to a live music show and we shared a few drinks. Then the following day, Christmas Eve, I met my mother and sister. My sister turned 21 that day so we shared a drink and caught up before Evan and I drove back to Indiana. Christmas morning was very traditional, we all sat in a circle at my in laws and took turns opening our presents in a clockwise fashion. Abbey (our dog) was allowed to open her presents on her time since she doesn't understand the concept of taking turns, presents or Christmas.

The last few days in 2011, Evan came down with a cold so we weren't drowning ourselves in alcohol like most people our age for New Year's Eve but we did wake up to watch the ball drop in Time Square. Come January 3rd, I was back to work at Indiana University and here I am still waiting for word from New York. I would like to be back in NY by February but will not move back until I have confirmed employment.

So here's to 2012 which as of right now is a great big blank filled with unknowns. We have absolutely no definitive plans besides my position here at IU ending in January. The unknown brings on a bit of anxiety but at the same time fills me with excitement. The possibilities are endless!