Tracking down Passion

As I embarked on my journey of finding employment I had to ask myself many questions. I challenged myself by answering big picture questions to narrow down my interests so that I could start looking for employment in specific areas. I went through a bulk of these questions in my previous entry. The one question that remains unanswered and nags at me in my waking day is 'what is your passion in life?' I am envious of those people that can answer this question, sometimes with a single word. I have spent most of my life tracking down 'passion' without success.

I can't help but notice the aggressive nature that surrounds finding a new job. I am job hunting and tracking down my passion, I am testing my strength and patience and pushing forward through rejection. So many aggressive adjectives to describe this experience of getting back into the work force. And I can feel the weight of these words, they aren't just a cute narrative of my day. It is an experience that I am trudging through each day.

This aggressive state that I now live in has pushed me to seek serenity in any form possible. When at home I take long baths and gravitate towards funny movies. I eat candy without regret and treat each day like I am on vacation, not worrying about my future. At work, where I sit behind a computer and watch the clock, I have begun occupying my time with reading refurnishing blogs. I have absorbed myself in my Pinterest site (www.pinterest.com) looking for creative DIY (do it yourself) projects. I started collecting furniture magazines and put sticky notes on creative arrangements in the home.

With my current job I have plenty of time to myself so I have been lazily daydreaming. I could be organizing my finances for this upcoming tax season or filling out that insurance form to protect Evan's instruments. But instead, I catch myself planning out entire projects from finish to end. Projects that involve using my hands. I always return to this imagine of the sun shining through a window in the early morning as I am busily staining fresh wood or drilling holes for hardware. All the time, I have a half smile on my face and half set eyelids. I am happy.

For all the 'tracking' I have done in search of my passion I am uncertain if this could be my calling? I have been actively pursuing the chase and now in the middle of a quite day I am daydreaming of refurbishing furniture or building new pieces from raw materials and finding peace. Is this a sign or am I feeling deprived on my own space since I live in my fiance's parent's cabin currently? I guess to find out I am going to set about doing a refurbishing project and see how I feel afterwards.

Will post more as I embark on this new project!