The Kharma Equation

Plan Bee product-Wedding present for Robbie and Abigail

"Maybe this is just one of those days,

Where the best we can do is play along...

Things just ain't going according to plan,

Maybe this is just one of those days,

But there's still time left for some more things to go wrong." - Robbie Gil 

Friday was just one of those days! I have to say, I am very blessed that I don't have many of 'those days'. It's probably due to my philosophy for life; I am a firm believer that you create the mess you find yourself stuck in - kharma baby! For those of you not familiar with the Buddhist theory, I like to think of kharma as a mathematical equation:

Action (good being a positive, bad being a negative) x quantity = happiness/suffering

Therefore, since each person is completely in control (freedom of choice) of their individual actions and reactions, thoughts and feelings, people that have good thoughts, actions and feelings will have a positive situation in life, happiness. And obviously, people who choose to have bad thoughts, actions and feelings have a negative situation in life, suffering. 

Since I understand that the only input into this equation is the 'in' that I 'put', I try always to put in good actions so that my life equation stays in the positive. Yesterday's negative life situation was my failure to react to the negativity that surrounded me. Not that I want to have a bitch-fest, but let's just take a glance at yesterdays shitty kharma equation:

Friday, July 13th (shit it was Friday the 13th!)

Normally I work from home on Friday's but this week is Freshmen orientation at Purchase College therefore all employees in Enrollment Services needed to work Friday and Saturday. There were a few people in my office that were radiating negativity for 8 hours because they were so upset about having to work. I tried to deflect this energy all day = (-8)

Traffic was horrendous! I received an email a week ago from the traffic gods (I honestly don't know who or how I got this email) about the George Washington Bridge going under construction starting Friday which warned all drivers that there would be an increase in congestion especially around commuter hours. For some reason, traffic makes everyone want to kill thy neighbor because there was serious road rage emanating from every car that surrounded me. I took a deep breathe and tried to sing along to my favorite tunes to get me through the hour in an attempt to dodge the negativity and a potential car accident = (-6) 

(By the way, the numerical values I am assigning each of these situations is subjective the only important thing to note is whether they are negative or positive numbers)

Finally, after 6 PM I made it to the Captain Lawrence brewery and had a cold liquid gold. It melted away the traffic jam but I couldn't shake the feeling of a long day at work. So a group of us decided to head to a new mexican restaurant down the street to have margaritas (that is the best medicine for a bad day) and some enchiladas (also good medicine but not as effective as tequila). We popped down the street and got a table right away, had a slow start to getting our order in but soon the margaritas hit the table and the conversations took flight. Fast forward, two hours later we are dry of drinks and still without food. The table across from us finally received their food and shortly after they began eating, several of them sent back their plates complaining of the taste, temperature and texture of their food. This was the cattle prod to my butt that got us moving. I was up like lightening, storming out of the restaurant with an empty stomach. Talk about being kicked when one is down, "The patient needs her medicine!" = (-20) 

Now, I should have practiced a little more patience and tried harder to deflect the neglect we were receiving at the restaurant but I had used up much of my patience on the day and all bets are off when I have an empty stomach. I become a scary person without food, not an excuse just an observation from experience. I went straight home while Evan went through the Wendy's drive thru with our friends. The dog needed to be taken out and I had only an hour left before my homework assignment (for my current Microeconomics course) was due. I sat down to the computer after a quick walk and a wave of 'oh shit!' ran over me. It was a difficult assignment that required hours of preparation. The program I use to do my homework grades it as I submit my answers which are a combination of equations, graph plots and fill in the blanks. I receive a 67% at the end of my hour . . . a feeling of defeat = (-25)

After I finished my homework, I went into the living room to share some time with our friends who were up for the night. I tried to focus on having a good night but felt myself apologizing for all that had gone wrong. Really, I was apologizing for my inability to let go and have a good time so I went to bed feeling like a bad hostess = (-30)

Let's roll out the numbers:

(-8) + (-6) + (-20) + (-25) + (-30) = -89 suffering

I don't really know what that number means, except I can feel it and Friday did feel like a negative 89. The next morning, I felt in a funk and it took almost an entire day to shake the feeling. But it was just one of those days and with the passing of time, it stings less and less. I am going to chalk it up to a series of strange events, just one of those days, the magic of Friday the 13th, a test of my patience, and a lesson learned. Because as my mother always has said, "if you don't learn from adversity, it is an opportunity wasted and the lesson will repeat itself until you learn."  

Introduction to Plan Bee

I don't seem to be very good at keeping up with my blog. I don't think I have that many readers anyway but it still makes me sad when my last entry was over two months ago. I use the excuse "I have been busy" but I would rather not make excuses and just dedicate myself to writing more.

There have been many events that have taken place in the last two months and I feel as though I am entering a new chapter in life. It is these transitions that I wish I documented better as I go through them but instead only seem to catch up with my thoughts after the main events have come and gone.

First, summer arrived and left behind the melancholy of winter. Sunshine brings everyone out into the streets and patios to catch up with friends on what the winter brought or left them. The smell of charcoal and the sound of lawn mowers induce an intoxication that sends me into bliss. Summer and the heat are by far my favorite phase in a year. Naturally, the wafting smells of BBQ have brought hungry guests to our home and have kept Evan and I very busy.

In addition, I started my first college course at Purchase College in June. One of the perks of working for the State of New York is I can take one course a semester for free. I started off with Microeconomics, a 7-week online intensive course which is new material for me. I have learned a lot so far but it has required at least 3 hours a day on top of my full-time job and making time for smoked ribs marinated with friendly conversation. Weeks have turned into months and I have been oblivious to the passing of time.

These are all exciting adventures that are improving the quality of life and feeding my mind, soul and stomach. But the Spring season was slow moving and filled with rejection and heart ache. Many of you know what I speak of but those who do not I am going to reserve the right to keep those stories within my family and friends for now and speak only of the triumph that has arisen from the ashes. For now, let's just say 'there were a series of unfortunate events that led to the discussion and planning of Plan Bee'.

What is Plan Bee?

I hope to share with you all of the journey as my husband and I embark on this exciting new adventure which we have deemed Plan Bee. It is a long-term goal with much planning and exciting explorations to come that will hopefully bring us from point A to point Bee (I am teasing now, I know).

Evan and I birthed this plan out of asking the question "what do we want?" which produced the answer "we want to be more". We want to follow a dream that is beauty incarnate and strip away the stress of working to make money for the sake of having money. We want to go back to our roots and move closer to creation and therefore our creator. We want to let our souls fill up our whole until the lines between "I" and "us" become nearly indistinguishable. We never want to work for one man again but work for an entire community.

Evan and I want to go into business together and open a community shared agricultural, self-sustaining brewery in the Hudson Valley. We want to incorporate Evan's Scottish roots of brewing meads and my families history of farming grain together to produce completely local, fresh, made-of-the-earth-we-stand-on beer that will bring our community in the Hudson Valley together.

Hard work? We are up for it!
Learning new skills? Our pleasure!
Discipline and Organization needed? My speciality!
Creativity and inspiration? Evan's strength!
Stressful and difficult? Not afraid!
Cooperation and collaboration? Will bring Evan and I closer together!

Part I: Education

We have a multi-part plan to get us from where we started (the day after tragedy struck) to Plan Bee. The first part of our plan is education. I am working towards receiving my Masters in Business Administration so that I can make sure that our business is staying above the "shutdown point" (a concept I recently learned in my Microeconomics course) and Evan is home brewing, working extra hours at Captain Lawrence Brewery and as of this last week, building small scale models of brewing equipment and doing test runs.

At the end of October, Evan and I will plant wheat and rye in our front yard in Dobbs Ferry to educate ourselves on the process. We will then be able to harvest, if all goes well, in July 2013 to understand the labor and partake in the experience of turning our homegrown grain from a plant into a malt for brewing beer!

As my fortune cookie read tonight, "Nine tenths of education is encouragement" which means this story isn't for everyone. As I tell our story I want to state that I am not looking for a fight, I’m not interested in making anyone feel faulted, and I’m not trying to convince you of anything you don’t already know.

Evan and I want to be more and we are going to strive to do so with the utmost patience, respect and humility with the best intentions for an uplifting future for our lives and the lives of those around us. So far, I haven't heard a discouraging word although I know Evan has heard a few but happily those moments have helped us build a stronger foundation instead of bringing about doubt or despair.

Thank you in advance for all of you that share encouraging words and love as we dare to be bold and try to be more!

Mrs. Watson

Wow . . . it has been a while since I have written! My last entry was about my resolutions for 2012 and sadly I have not kept them. The vegetarianism went on February 1st when I went to Cedar Street Grill in Dobbs Ferry. They had amazing looking chicken wings that I couldn't resist and to be honest, I didn't even feel guilty after the meal ended it was that good. As for writing in my journal, I honestly tried and through March I wrote consistantly but then something happened and I started writing only once a week. Busted!

The biggest news has yet to be shared! I got married on January 14th, 2012! I am now officially a Watson and have legally changed my name to Emily Ann Watson. It was very organic the way it came about. Over the Fall in 2011 I started planning a big wedding for Memorial Day weekend, May 27th 2012. It wasn't going so well and quickly I realized that I was planning a big wedding because I thought I should, not because I wanted to. Without passion the planning fizzled out and I cancelled my reception reservations without a clue of when the wedding might be rescheduled.

For the duration of the Fall (after the planning of my wedding was off the table) I searched for a job and amazingly I was offered a position at the State University of New York in Purchase, NY to work in the Registrar's Office (where I currently work). I remember it was a Thursday night, Evan and I went to dinner to celebrate the news of my job offer and acceptance. We talked about moving back to our old stomping grounds and when we would take off and where we would look for an apartment and when I would go and if Evan would come out later . . . and then the topic of marriage came up. When would we be getting married?

Evan preferred to get married in Indiana where his family resided and where we were living at the time. I thougth that wasn't a bad idea but I needed to leave Indiana in a week to start my new job. Therefore, it was decided that in a week on January 14th we would be married and that same day we would drive to New York City to look for an apartment! Evan and I went to the local mall and picked out our wedding day attire, reserved the church for that Saturday and invited our parents and siblings. All planning was done in a day! It wasn't the least bit stressful because it was too simple and too short of time to have the time for stress.

The morning of the 14th we had a lovely brunch at Jamie and Dwight Watson's house followed by the cutting of the cake. We then went to the church one block from the house and in 15 minutes it was done! We were now Mr. and Mrs. Watson and off to New York. It was a beautiful day and I couldn't have been happier.

Resolutions for 2012

Well another year has come and gone. Evan and I reflected on 2011 and were amazed that some much fit into 365 days! As part of starting a new year, there are the new year resolutions. This year I made two resolutions: (1) I will be a pescetarian (mainly a vegetarian but on occasion may eat shellfish) for one year to help improve my health and the health of our environment and (2) I will write in my journal every day even if it is just one sentence. The idea with the journal is that next year my resolution for 2013 will be to add a side-by-side statement to watch how each year compares. I think it will be an interesting experiment and will hopefully help me practice mindfulness.

As for SUNY, I know many have asked if I have heard back yet about my job interview which took place on December 12th. Still no word! I wrote an email to inquire about the position yesterday and again, still no answer. I did a little investigating and checked my personal account through SUNY and my application status has changed to "position offered". Now, I would interpret this as I have been offered this position otherwise I would assume it would say "position filled" if they weren't going to ask me or they offered the position to another applicant. Hmmm, still waiting for a definitive yes or no.

My Christmas holiday was nice. I was able to see my father on Friday the 23rd in Columbus, OH. He came with me to a live music show and we shared a few drinks. Then the following day, Christmas Eve, I met my mother and sister. My sister turned 21 that day so we shared a drink and caught up before Evan and I drove back to Indiana. Christmas morning was very traditional, we all sat in a circle at my in laws and took turns opening our presents in a clockwise fashion. Abbey (our dog) was allowed to open her presents on her time since she doesn't understand the concept of taking turns, presents or Christmas.

The last few days in 2011, Evan came down with a cold so we weren't drowning ourselves in alcohol like most people our age for New Year's Eve but we did wake up to watch the ball drop in Time Square. Come January 3rd, I was back to work at Indiana University and here I am still waiting for word from New York. I would like to be back in NY by February but will not move back until I have confirmed employment.

So here's to 2012 which as of right now is a great big blank filled with unknowns. We have absolutely no definitive plans besides my position here at IU ending in January. The unknown brings on a bit of anxiety but at the same time fills me with excitement. The possibilities are endless!

Tracking down Passion

As I embarked on my journey of finding employment I had to ask myself many questions. I challenged myself by answering big picture questions to narrow down my interests so that I could start looking for employment in specific areas. I went through a bulk of these questions in my previous entry. The one question that remains unanswered and nags at me in my waking day is 'what is your passion in life?' I am envious of those people that can answer this question, sometimes with a single word. I have spent most of my life tracking down 'passion' without success.

I can't help but notice the aggressive nature that surrounds finding a new job. I am job hunting and tracking down my passion, I am testing my strength and patience and pushing forward through rejection. So many aggressive adjectives to describe this experience of getting back into the work force. And I can feel the weight of these words, they aren't just a cute narrative of my day. It is an experience that I am trudging through each day.

This aggressive state that I now live in has pushed me to seek serenity in any form possible. When at home I take long baths and gravitate towards funny movies. I eat candy without regret and treat each day like I am on vacation, not worrying about my future. At work, where I sit behind a computer and watch the clock, I have begun occupying my time with reading refurnishing blogs. I have absorbed myself in my Pinterest site (www.pinterest.com) looking for creative DIY (do it yourself) projects. I started collecting furniture magazines and put sticky notes on creative arrangements in the home.

With my current job I have plenty of time to myself so I have been lazily daydreaming. I could be organizing my finances for this upcoming tax season or filling out that insurance form to protect Evan's instruments. But instead, I catch myself planning out entire projects from finish to end. Projects that involve using my hands. I always return to this imagine of the sun shining through a window in the early morning as I am busily staining fresh wood or drilling holes for hardware. All the time, I have a half smile on my face and half set eyelids. I am happy.

For all the 'tracking' I have done in search of my passion I am uncertain if this could be my calling? I have been actively pursuing the chase and now in the middle of a quite day I am daydreaming of refurbishing furniture or building new pieces from raw materials and finding peace. Is this a sign or am I feeling deprived on my own space since I live in my fiance's parent's cabin currently? I guess to find out I am going to set about doing a refurbishing project and see how I feel afterwards.

Will post more as I embark on this new project!

A tribute to Jamie

It was my mother-in-law's 60th birthday yesterday and for the celebration I wrote a story for her about my favorite Jamie moment. I thought I would share it here since it is pretty cute:

My favorite Jamie moments are centered around her theatrics. At the top of the list was the night Dwight and Jamie teamed up to play Evan and I in Cranium. We were half way through the game and the Jamie/Dwight team was trailing behind. They needed a big win to get them back in the game. Jamie was up. She rolled the dice and advanced to a green space indicating she would need to act or hum the clue on the card for Dwight to guess. The card was pulled and there was a moment of silence as Jamie concentrated on the task at hand. A moment later Jamie read out loud the rules on the card indicating she would need to act out an action clue. The timer was flipped and the show began!

Dwight, Evan and I watched in anticipation. Jamie began by slapping her hands on her belly. Unable to make any sounds or speak she continued to slap her stomach. Without a response from her partner, she tried a different approach and rubbed her hands over her head and down to her feet This prompted Dwight who said "rubbing?" and then "ummm . . . what?" Jamie continued the show by patting her shoulders and then her legs. She started the familiar routine of sweeping her hands from her head down to her toes with growing frustration. Dwight was silent except for an occasional "what?". The grains of sand had slipped through the narrow squeeze of the hour glass indicating the passing of time. The answer would have to be discovered soon, time was running out.

To Jamie's relief Dwight guessed, "body!" Jamie's eyes widened as she nodded her head in excitement. But it wasn't over, the answer was an action clue and body is a noun. Jamie had looked down at the floor and hesitated for a moment before flinging her entire body down onto the hardwood floors in the living room. She had performed a belly flop which made the pieces of the board game jump into the air and had us all agasp. Evan and I peered over the rim of the coffee table to discoverJamie swimming on the floor with determination. It wasn't long before she popped back up onto her feet and began waving her hands in the air. Dwight was still in a state of shock from the daredevilish dive Jamie performed when Jamie had turned to Dwight and put her hands up into the air indicating a silent, "well?"

Dwight said, "what?" Jamie had thrown her hands back down to her side and again was airborn. The thud shook us as we all stared in puzzled amazement. Jamie ran through the routine and when she again was standing on her feet turned to Dwight indicating he needed to guess something, anything! But the only words that left Dwight were "what?" between wheezing sputters of laughter. Jamie had turned red in the face from her laberous routine which did not produce a single guess from her partner.

Up and down, up and down Jamie soared threw the air as the three of us were struggling for breath, our diaphrams quaked with laughter. None of us had taken notice that all the sand was resting in the lower half of the hour glass. Jamie had labored in vain but her courageaous efforts we applauded. After we had regained control of our breathing and wiped the tears of joy from our eyes we asked almost in unison, "What was the answer?". Jamie tight lipped said, "body boarding" before sitting next to Dwight who she gave a playful slap. Dwight again broke out into laugher and exclaimed one last "WHAT!?!" which caused Jamie to dart a glare in her partners direction.

Needless to say, Evan and I won the game of Cranium and pleeded with Dwight and Jamie to play another round. Jamie agreed on the conditions that we switched partners.

Happy Birthday Jamie!

Opening up to the way the world works

It's time for an update! Much has happened over the last few weeks. I started my job working in the Office of the Bursar at Indiana University and just this week I had an interview in New York for a position in the Registrar's Office at the State University of New York (the Purchase campus). As I wait to hear back with fingers crossed, I reflect on the process of job searching.

Job searching or hunting which denotes a struggle for survival, is not for the faint of heart. First, the application process. The process of putting together a resume that is appealing to the eyes in it's format as well as appealing to the brain for its content. It is a gamble deciding what words from the English language you should use. Now a days, most job applications have to be submitted through the Internet. No one wants a paper copy or an email with a resume attached. I have discovered they do this for very specific reasons.

When you submit a resume and cover letter into the company of interest's data system the system performs a simple word association scan. If your resume and cover letter contain a number of keywords that have been entered into the system as desirable then your application is elevated to an observation level and into human hands. So if you aren't careful in choosing your words, your application may be sent right into the cyber recycling bin without a second thought. I think of my resume screaming out as it is being sucked into a giant black hole, never to be found again!

So if you manage to survive the computer scan and make it onto the hands of a living being it doesn't mean you have finally arrived. Humans are critical and can dismiss your application for far less sophisticated reasons. For example, a manager in his/her late 50's may be threatened by a young wo/man with more education and experience and therefore may dismiss the application for his/her own security. Or even more cynical, a wo/man might simply not like the applicants name because of a past event!

I know it may seem silly or improbable to think people are so shallow but unfortunately, we are! So even if you choose all the right words your application can come to a screeching halt due to uncontrollable circumstances. However, if you have a name that doesn't trigger a PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) event in your future supervisor and are lucky enough to have a well adjusted person review your application you may just find yourself in line for an interview.

The interview, for me, is the least of my worries. I feel that I am an easy person to get along with and in a short amount of time can let my personality shine through. Maybe it's all those social events in NYC that have brought me into my own as a network-er or maybe it is my confidence that I am a good person and any organization/business would be lucky to have an employee like me . . . cocky? No, confident! My ability to control my nerves and focus on making a good first impression on new people makes me a good interviewer.

Okay, so I passed the computer scan, the human once-over and the live interview. Now comes the hardest part, the waiting. I know I am one of the contenders but the unknown of who I am competing against starts to build anxiety. The candidates could be past employees or employees from another department. Maybe a son or daughter of an employee or a friend of the supervisor. Who knows if the other candidates have more experience or gave a better interview. All one can do at this point is wait, wait for the phone to ring.

The job hunting process is filled with controllable and uncontrollable variables. In this economy where unemployment is near 8%, a number which has gone down due to the number of Americans who have decided to remove their resumes from the job hunt entirely, it is a statistically certain that getting a job will take time and patience and maybe a miracle! Rejection will most likely be the outcome and defeat will devour you if you don't continue the hunt.
I just wish there was a way to get noticed among the sea of electronic applications. Survival instinct, I did something risky today and I tried to call one of the offices I applied for directly. I thought maybe if I spoke to someone in the department that it might tie a red balloon to my hand and make me stand out from the crowd. My optimism and courage helped me push through as the receptionist laughed at me on the phone. "Please transfer me to Human Resources", I said firmly. I would not be rebuffed! But once transferred the department of Human Resources only gave me a serious of prerecorded messages with no offer to speak to a living being.

I though I might take a trip and start walking into the offices I have applied to but envision a bold move like that removing my name from the not only the list of resumes in consideration but black list me from the entire establishment. How does one get a head in this market? How does one stand out? I think it must just be the wait and see approach for now and hope that statistically, the more applications I submit the higher my chances of being plucked from the masses and offered a job.